T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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