so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
