In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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