We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
