fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
