Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
