just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
