the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
