I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
