SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
