CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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