I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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