Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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