It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
