Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
this boner is exhausting
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
