Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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