i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
