Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
