There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
