So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
