Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
