you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
