Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so let's talk penis.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
