That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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