I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
