He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
