My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My vagina just clenched in fear
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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