Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Randomize
