I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I need water and some morals
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
