girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
