Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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