I cockslap morals
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
