I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
