There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize