my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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