So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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