sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
