I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
