Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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