Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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