i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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