Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
