"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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