Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We have started to decorate penises.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
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