You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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