Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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