But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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