Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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