I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
