Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
