Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
