My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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