I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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