there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
