Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Couch. On fire.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
