i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
