Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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