If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend