You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
