Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
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Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
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Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.