i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.