Dude, just got a bummer.
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
This house was built for laser tag.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.