He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
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Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.