We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
