So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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