I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
