and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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