2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
