The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
