no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
