Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
