He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
