i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
