tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
