btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
