i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
